Alright, ladies. It’s that time of the year again. The time where everyone makes up some cliché, unrealistic, boring ass resolution, and posts about it on Facebook. Per the usual, I wanted to do things differently. I thought to myself, “Why not make a list of resolutions that are actually relatable and worth trying?!” Of course if you want to join in on the army of NY Resolution treadmill-runners, by all means, do your thing. But if you want to take a different, more fun approach into the new year, keep on reading.
15 Resolutions for The Average Quarter-Century Chick
1. Step up the cell phone etiquette
This may not apply to all of you, but I am the absolute WORSE with my phone. Especially when it comes to texting. And don’t even think about calling me when I’m in the car listening to music. I’m gonna go ahead and lie when I say I do it to keep you all on your toes. Nope, that’s bullshit. I’m just lazy as hell. But in 2015, I vow to be that loyal friend that responds ASAP.
2. Refrain from the daily glass of wine
A glass a day keeps the doctor away. That’s my motto. Okay, Okay. I guess every day is the opposite of “in moderation”. I blame it on the American Heart Association for merely including the word wine in the guidelines. Merlot and I go way back, but I’m hoping to give myself a little space from him in the new year.
3. Learn how to master “cheat day”
I guess it should be “cheat days”, as I usually abandon my healthy diet the entire weekend. Hey, I’m working on it. While Sunday brunch is basically an American holiday, there are still so many opportunities to take full advantage on your cheat days. Try out the restaurant you have been “dying” to go to for the past year. Or hell, satisfy that dirty chinese craving that you get throughout the week. Life is too damn short to not give food love the way it gives love to you. I don’t care if it’s f***ing McDonalds. As long as you go HAM with zero regrets. I don’t know why I didn’t make this one #1, seeing as it is the resolution I’m obviously most excited about.
4. Step away from social media every now and then
While yes, it is very entertaining, it’s also kind of depressing and nauseating. Anyone else feel like they are losing brain cells by reading Facebook posts and statuses? Some days I think I might climb a cactus if I hear one more first world problem.
5. Stop going to bed with makeup on
Yes mom, I know you taught me this one. Anybody else have those nights where you’re literally counting the steps you have left before making it to the bed? And you somehow justify not having to take off your makeup until the morning. Yeah, this is going to be the year that STOPS. I’m shooting for 5 stars at my next dermatologist appointment.
6. Stop worrying about getting married
For those of us still unwed. Sometimes it feels like constant pressure surrounds us with people getting engaged/married. And you find yourself annoyed or jealous rather than happy for your friends. “OMG even SHE’S engaged?!” Girls don’t lie. We all do it. Let’s remember how we are all at different points in our lives, and that we all want different things! And that the time will come for us too. The reason it hasn’t come yet is because we aren’t ready. But let me tell you what. When that times does come, home dude better put a sick ass ring on it. Am I wrong?!
7. Embrace the fact that your personality is what makes you sexy
We do everything we can for the perfect ass, the flawless skin, the hottest tan. But let’s be honest. If that’s all you have to attract a guy/girl, you’re no different from those awful Instagram wanna-be models. People remember you by the way you laugh. Or by your witty comments. Hey, maybe you’re weird as hell like I am, and that’s what people remember about you. Point is, it’s who you are that makes you a f***ing catch. And that’s what I’m going to focus on this year.
8. Travel somewhere once a month
Doesn’t have to be paradise or Vegas. It can just be taking a trip to Dallas or Houston to visit some friends you haven’t seen in a while. You know that friend has fallen off the map and lost touch with everyone? Let’s take a vow to not be that friend! Plus, we all need an excuse to get the hell out sometimes.
9. Learn to laugh rather than cry over criticism
I’m not talking about constructive “this is really good but you could improve it by doing this” criticism. I’m talking full-blown, “that sweater is the ugliest thing I’ve ever seen” criticism. After reading “it’s lists like this that make me want to go kill myself” and “take a ride on the bus you whiney bitch” on one of my blogs that went viral, I decided it was time to not give a damn what people have to say about me. The more people hate on you for no reason at all, the more you should realize that you’re doing something right. Don’t hate me cuz I’m beautiful, boo.
10. Listen to your FOMO
In my opinion, the more you age, the less you have FOMO. The internal bitch fights that I would have every time I couldn’t go out during college due to studying are slowly fading away. HOWEVER, I think it’s important now to notice when you are having FOMO, and listen! Maybe you really should sacrifice a night of Netflix to go out with some drinks with your friends. Stop trying to justify why you shouldn’t, just go. You know how they say to listen to your gut feeling. And if your gut feeling is that you wouldn’t mind trading in your pajamas for some pleather leggings, you better act on it. The body wants what the body wants. When the body wants a tequila shot, who are you to keep it from having one?!
11. Exercise for your body, not your figure
Hey girl, not to say that you shouldn’t do everything in your power to enhance all of the assets during bikini season. By all means, of course you should. My life goal is to one day get the Beyoncé legs. But rather than set a goal to lose 10 pounds or 5% body fat,why not shoot for a goal of feeling good. Feeling healthy. If that comes at the price of losing 10 pounds, great! Just try to focus on the healthy part of it, rather than the size 2 skinny part of it.
12. Rather than wait for the hopeless romantic, BE the hopeless romantic
Correct me if I’m wrong, but I think it’s safe to say that most girls want someone who thrives on being a hopeless romantic. I’ve probably sent more clues to my boyfriend than Steve on f***ing Blue Clues about this one. All the while, I realize that I’m just begging for it, rather than trying to be more romantic myself. So this year I’m going to try harder to let it start with me. If he loves you, he will catch the hint and return the favor. Life is too damn short to not have irresistible chemistry, great sex, and a relationship full of surprises.
13. Remember how cool your parents really are
They really are if you sit back and think about it. I mean you are a combination of them so clearly they are perfect. No, but seriously. As we get older our parents are also getting older. This year I plan on working hard at my relationship with my parents. Cutting out the lazy shit, and giving them a phone call more than once every couple of days. Plus, no one understands my weird ass ways as well as Mom and Dad.
14. Come from a place of “yes”
One of the best books I have ever read was by Bethenny Frankel titled “A Place of Yes”. It’s basically about her crazy life circa pre-Skinnygirl days. She says she knows what it’s like to doubt herself and feel out of control, but she also figured out how to conquer the noise in her head that holds her back. She basically lays out 10 simple rules for how to get unstuck, move forward, and get everything you want out of life. No this is not an ad for her book. I’m just really obsessed with the bitch. In a nutshell, go for the gold. Don’t second guess something that feels right to the core. Try new things, because maybe there’s a hidden part of you that you are yet to reveal. Live a “yes” life. Not a “I’ll try it tomorrow” life.
15. Make sure to ALWAYS have a bottle of champagne in the fridge
This one is a must. If I’ve learned anything in this life so far, it is how important it is to keep a bottle of champagne in the fridge for special occasions. And sometimes that special occasion is that there is a bottle of champagne in the fridge.
Here’s to 2015! May the odds be ever in your favor.