Mad Stacks, yo


(While I will not be giving away vital details of the story, you may not want to read this if you want to start the Breaking Bad series with a clean slate. Although, if you do read this without having seen the show, you will most likely be starting it tonight. Because I am about to make you fall in love with each and every character. Quiet frankly, all you people who haven’t invested into the darkness that is Walter White should be ashamed of yourselves.)

After many months of doing everything I could to drag out the series, I finally finished the last episode of Breaking Bad last night. As what often happens when I finish a good show, today starts the beginning of my state of mourning. A state of separation anxiety that will eventually lead to withdrawals. But before I offer to give up my first-born to AMC in exchange for just one more season, I thought I should try to look at things as glass half full. Just like any good series, I honestly feel that Vince Gilligan has touched close to home. Even though I have no plans in the near future to go out and cook a fat batch of blue, I believe that good television can teach you all kinds of things about life. If it weren’t for J. K. Rowling, Hermione would have never taught me how important it is to embrace your intelligence over your beauty. And if it weren’t for Gossip Girl, Blair would have never shown me that being powerful doesn’t necessarily make you a bitch. And that if it does, who cares.

With that being said, Vince Gilligan is a true genius for creating a story that is so moving and well articulated. I mean anyone with the slightest appreciation for performing arts can see how perfectly selected every character is, and how even the smallest details are executed in a way to provide the audience with the information they need, but not directly. That’s hard to do! OK sorry, I could go on forever.

Basically, I wanted to point out all of the great things that each character brings to the table. How Gilligan does the most amazing job of making you love a character one minute, and hate them the next. And most importantly, how each character has their own way of teaching you lessons about life.

Walter White

It’s unbelievable how you learn to love Walt and hate him all at the same time. It’s like, sometimes he’s the victim, sometimes he’s the villain. And every episode is a constant struggle, trying to figure out if you’re on his side or not. But the man is a GENIUS. Whether his actions are from good intentions or not, who wouldn’t want Walter White on their side. I sure as hell wouldn’t want to be his enemy. And the most honorable thing about him, is he always seems to be his #1 supporter. It’s always interesting to see the internal struggle he goes through with himself constantly on the show. But after feeling sorry for himself with that awful sobbing face he makes, he pulls his shit together, puts on that signature top hat, and walks straight into a brawl of drug lords as if he is Scarface. Highschool chemistry teacher by day, hood rat crystal slinger by night. WHO DOES THAT? So what does he teach us? Walt shows us how much stronger we are than we think. Can you imagine, if you found out right now, that you had a terminal illness? What would you do? I’m sure you’re probably thinking that you would feel really sorry for yourself, and spend the rest of your days with your loved ones in sorrow. But WW portrays the perfect example of what the human body does under turmoil. It SURVIVES. It puts all bets aside, and does what it needs to, in order to provide. To conquer. To be the best with what you have.

Jesse Pinkman 

My absolute FAVORITE character. I loved Jesse from the very beginning. When everyone else only saw his druggie banter and lack of hygiene or morality, I saw the kind heart and vulnerability underneath the over-sized hoodie. To say that Jesse went through a lot of shit on the show, would be an understatement. That fool found a whole new meaning to the phrase “the struggle is real”. However, I will always hold a soft spot for Jesse Pinkman due to his selflessness and compassion for others. The son of a bitch gets abused, taking advantage of, thrown on the streets…yet he would rather give his money away to a stranger who needs it. Shit, the kid stops to make a little boy a marshmallow sandwich while hiding in a meth house. Jesse reminds us that no matter what, even the “baddest” ones can have a lot of good. The character with basically no backbone, no family support, and zero f***s to give is the one with the biggest heart. Never give up on the Jesse Pinkman’s! Because, science bitch. Gets me every time.

Skylar White

While a lot of you may not like Sky, I think her character is one of the most important. Ok, picture this. After months of having that “something’s fishy” feeling, you come to terms with the possibility that your husband and father of your children slings Mary Jane throughout the neighborhood. But seeing as he is dealing with lung cancer, you do every thing you can from being the bitch wife that calls him out for it. However, after soft affair scandal and a couple of “hospital visits”, you find out indeed that Mary Jane is like a breath of fresh air compared to the actual reality. Through it all, this bitch keeps things 100.  She is the NeNe Leakes of good not-reality television. She portrays how even when our loved ones absolutely hate us, they will always protect us. However, I would prefer a FROYO shop over a car wash. But I got you Sky.

Hank Schrader

Hank is your typical crazy uncle who always tells the inappropriate jokes and never knows when to shut up. A combination of a jester and a ladies man all wrapped up into a ball of alcohol-loving DEA badass. The dude goes from ruthless attacks at teenage junkies, to starting a collection of “minerals”. Hank, they are f***ing rocks, but have it your way. Anyways, the guy is a straight hero and straight naive all at the same time. But let me tell you what. While family means everything to him, busting bad guys means even more. Agent Shrader proves that too much of a good thing can be a bad thing. Sometimes the mind can be our biggest enemy. Shit, not even John Wayne always got his way.

Walt Junior


Definitely the best person to break tension in the room. Walt Jr. is always so f***ing clueless. However, he’s the first one to speak exactly what’s on his mind. As much as his drug dealing parents do everything in their power to protect him, all he wants is to be treated like a normal teenager. Someone who idolizes his father at all faults, and loves to blame everything on his caring mother. Sounds like a lot of you assholes out there. Just kidding. Struggling to walk due to being born with cerebral palsy, WJ never hesitates at a moment to prove that he is anything but less than. And that fool loves breakfast. I would do anything to introduce this young man to a nice Sunday brunch buffet.

Sal Goodman

Gotta call Sal! Don’t we will wish we could find a lawyer that specialized in “shitty situations”. Honestly. How awesome would it be to have a lawyer that you could call to “take care of things”. One who also knew how to always make light of the situation. And who could hide any amount of money, all the while cracking jokes that most people wouldn’t be able to understand. Witty one you are, Sal. Poor guy always getting stuck in the middle of it. But the great thing about Sal, is he always has a way to show that there are two sides to the story. The master of “innocent until proven guilty”. Quiet possible that he got his law degree from the circus, but I’m not complaining.


This one is easy people. Looks can be deceiving. I f***ing hate Gus. Always have, always will. Selfish son of a bitch.

Badger & Skinny Pete

Even if you haven’t seen the show, it’s pretty obvious that these two stick out like sore thumbs. Just utterly clueless to what’s going on in the world. I’m not even sure it’s possible to breathe with that few brain cells. However, all judgement aside, Jesse always knew who to turn to in times of “need”. A reminder that, Ride or Die friends are more valuable than people who you just have a lot in common with. Whether they shower or not. The loyalty is there.

Jane Margolis

Jane’s character was such a breath of fresh air. Didn’t even feel like acting. While she yes, was also going through troubled times, she never tried to be someone she wasn’t. She was just so raw and real. Love me or hate me. Take it or leave it. Unfortunately, she left us with feelings of sadness. Reminding us that only the good die young. And if you didn’t know that she died, well sucks for you. Sorry. I am 100% not to blame, hence the disclaimer at the top.

Mike Ehrmantraut

No good drug story ever existed without having a high quality hit-man. That is in his 60’s. And takes his granddaughter to the park. I mean it really is just too good. Plus, I think its possible that the guy has zero feelings. Straight OG. Just goes to show, that sometimes business is just business.

So there you have it. My personal farewell to all of my beloved friends that I have met and fallen in love with over the past 5 series.

Gilligan, two thumbs up bro. Any producer that can get me that invested emotionally is Oscar worthy in my book. Now do me a favor, create another season, and save us all from this misery. In the mean time, thank you for teaching me more about life through the eyes of a meth-head criminal.



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