Can I get that in a sentence, please?

Why do we humans learn to say things that make absolutely no sense?! Phrases that we have simply caught on to, in order to communicate with the rest of civilization. Now don’t get me wrong… I am the QUEEN of abbrevs. You know. Cutting things short. Totes. Obvi. Bless (instead of bless you). It’s a hard world out there, just trying to be efficient. Just kidding. I honestly do it because it’s fun and it makes people laugh.

With that being said, there are some things that people say that literally sound incompetent. Myself included. And it took me having to sit down and think before I actually realized it! I mean shit. Do they even enforce English in school anymore? Or maybe I’m just your typical dumb blonde, that doesn’t understand the message behind any of it.

Either way, thought I would throw some of my favorite “what the f***k does that even mean” words and phrases out there. While it’s all fun and games to play with the English language, let’s not forget that we are unfortunately not in the rap industry.

I’ll start with this lovely little gem:

“Turnt up”

What the hell people?! I have a friend (shout out to Justin V) who literally thought people were saying “turnip”. “Why is everyone so hyped on turnips these days?!” Oh have mercy. Ok but seriously, this is dumb. Anybody else think that this term is a disgrace to American society? And to make it even more confusing, you can phrase it as “turnt down for what”. Which I guess is supposed to be a rhetorical question, meaning that OBVI YOU AREN’T GONNA TURN DOWN, YOU GONNA TURN UP! And to make things even more flavorful, we add a “t” at the end of it. Am I missing something here?!

Leo knows how to get “turnt up”, guys. Yes, that is sarcasm.

“Bae”

OK… like I said, I totally get abbreviating things. But taking out a letter can make things confusing people. I guess sometimes, it’s just too difficult to pronounce another b.

“Doe”

Doe: an adult female in some animal species such as deer and goat. Not a replacement for the word “though” at the end of a sentence, more often than not, where even the word “though” wouldn’t normally be used. Why can’t we all just say “damnnn that girl has an ass”. But noooooo. “Dat ass doe” makes much more sense, right?! Um…no?

“LOLZ”

Yes, I understand that LOL stands for laugh out loud. Ok, that totally works. But when you switch it up and put a “z” on the end… huh?! And sometimes even multiple z’s. Like, are you super tired right now? Or are you sad that “z” doesn’t get as much attention as all of the other letters? I CAN’T READ YOUR MIND.

“Bat shit crazy”

Why is their shit crazy? Honestly, all you women out there should be thankful for that shit. Because that shit is sitting on your eyelashes right now. Plus, bats are not as crazy as they are dirty. Not today, rabies. Not today.

“Brah”

Bra is short for brassiere, which is a women’s undergarment that supports her breast. I understand the “bro” gesture fellas, but replacing it with a reference to Victoria Secret lingerie, doesn’t make your bromance any stronger. And if you have already graduated college and you are still using this word, you should especially be embarrassed. We can’t all be frat guys forever.

“YOLO”

Yes, I think at this point in our lives, we are all aware that we only have one lifetime. And if your way of persuading me to go out on a Thursday night is by throwing “YOLO” in a text, then I’m most definitely not going out. Because while I only have one life to party, I also only have one life to watch Netflix and eat pizza in bed.

“Twerk”

Miley Cyrus, you are to blame for this one. I don’t hate the act of shaking your ass, because I find it funny and a great way to get a quick work out in. What I do hate, is this shit show of a word. I swear, who is paying Wikipedia to create this nonsense?!

OK, this isn’t really twerking, but it made me laugh so hard.

Putting “best” before your signature in an email

While I understand that this is actually considered to be politically correct, I still don’t get it! Best what? Best wishes? I’m the best? You’re the best? Best friends? I’ll just stick with sincerely. Boring, but straight forward!

But I’m just gonna smile and look pretty.

OK, just had to get that out there.They really should start offering a “how to understand human communication” course at community colleges. Until then, I’ll just continue to let reality television educate me.

Latas brah, Don’t forget to get turnt tonight because YOLO.

xoxo, H

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