What a Girl Wants (as told by Mindy Kaling)

Someone once told me that I’m so blunt, I reminded them of Mindy Kaling. OMG. BEST DAY EVER. Literally….ever! No one keeps it more real than this broad. Let’s be honest, the world would be a lot more awesome if all you females out there learned how to keep things 100 like Mindy.

So I decided to share some of my favorite moments where Mindy nailed what it’s like to be a young, still-trying-to-figure-it-out, woman. Full of compassion, confusion, and unwanted hangovers. Listen up guys. You know who to call next time you’re thinking “women are so hard to figure out”.

Can’t you guys not catch a hint? I was into you until you opened your mouth.

Hey man. Gotta tell them what’s up from the get go. You tell her, girl!

Giving off that “I’m in my child-bearing years so I have to act like I’m naturally motherly” vibe. When are your parents coming back sweetie?!

Let’s just cut to the chase. No one cares that you have Arnold Schwarzenegger abs if you can’t wine and dine a bitch like Arnold Schwarzenegger.

You better recognize. You know what they say…you don’t know what you have until it’s gone.Now give me the respect I deserve. And if you cant give me that, at least give me a lot of attention. Because I’m a woman. And bitches love attention.

Only the smartest women know to compare their life to Beyonce’s on the daily in order to rise to the top. And pad thai is delicious. And people that can give themselves warrior names are f***ing hilarious.

Make sure you understand this, fellas. There is a BIG difference. Just like leaves that change color, my body may too encounter some adjustments throughout the seasons.I am a woman. I am not a model. Shit, even the girl in the magazine doesn’t look like the girl in the magazine.

Got too much shit to do. Not a fan of other people’s first world problems. And if you don’t understand the single white female situation, you clearly don’t know Jennifer Aniston as well as you should.

Just calling bitches out. Alright, let’s go eat a burger.

Netflix will never betray me. Socializing in public requires too much energy when you aren’t in the mood. And if I’m wearing a sweatshirt, I guarantee you I’m not in the mood.

It’s the thought that counts, bitches.

A lady never tells. But on those nights of weakness when you can’t say no to Mrs. Baird’s, guess you don’t feel very ladylike anyways. I feel you Mindy. I can totally relate.

Life is too stressful. There are too many things that need to be figured out. You will never understand how hard it is to be a female.

You should just know to ask the sensitive questions indirectly. It’s science.

A confident woman is a sexy woman. And if you disagree, I probably don’t like you anyways.

Now turn over so we can both enjoy this exciting time in peace.

So let me be Sandra Bullock. And don’t ask me why I’m riding a bicycle in a sparkly dress. Sometimes I like to drink champagne, get tipsy, and give myself a challenge.

This woman is my soul mate (sorry babe). So if you ever find her, give her my contact information.


xoxo, H

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